


To Touch You

by WolfDogstar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fourth Year, Friendship, Gen, Marauders' Era, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9446255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfDogstar/pseuds/WolfDogstar
Summary: Sirius opened his eyes to Remus's amber ones and  felt Remus's hand coaxing his hair. And he just melted in the sensation of it all."Re...Remus..." Was all he managed to say before he closed his eyes again.Remus saw a few tears escape Sirius's eyes and then realized that Sirius was asleep again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything.

Remus is usually a light sleeper. The wolf's senses are always alert and the slightest noise wakes him up. So when he woke one night to a sound of soft whimpering, he wasn't surprised. At once he knew it was Sirius. Over four years Sirius's situation at home had worsened and so had his nightmares. Sirius rarely spoke of what went on in his home. All the Marauders knew that it was bad. But no knew specific details. They did not press Sirius further either. They had tried once, but it did more damage than help. So they accepted the situation and tried to make it as easy as possible for Sirius. Most nights it was Remus who woke Sirius up from his nightmares. Other nights it was James. But James and Peter slept like rocks. So most nights it was up to Remus to look after his friend. 

Remus could hear Sirius thrashing in his sleep. He lay awake for a few seconds thinking that it might pass. The full moon had been yesterday and he just didn't have the energy to get up from his bed. There was no indication that James might be awake, so after a minute Remus willed himself to get out of his bed and stagger onto the next one, Sirius's.

He removed the curtains and sat down next to Sirius. He was sweating profusely and his dark hair stuck to his face. His eyebrows were furrowed and there was pain etched on his features. Remus's heart clenched at the state of his friend

"Sirius wake up." He whispered while removing the hair from his friend's face. 

"...no.." Sirius mumbled.

" Come on Sirius. Wake up. Its just a bad dream." Remus whispered again and stroked Sirius's hair. As soon as he did this, Sirius calmed down. Remus was surprized at himself. He certainly had never before stroked Sirius's hair . But it came naturally. And after the initial hesitation, Remus didn't feel awkward. If it calmed Sirius down then why not?

After a minute or so Sirius opened his eyes to Remus's amber ones and felt Remus's hand coaxing his hair. And he just melted in the sensation of it all. 

"Re...Remus..." Was all he managed to say before he closed his eyes again.

Remus saw a few tears escape Sirius's eyes and then realized that Sirius was asleep again.

Remus was a little confused at the whole situation. This sort of a reaction was definitely a first. Usually Sirius woke up from his nightmares and then Remus would try and calm him. Sirius would then be unable to sleep and go down to the common room to study or just to sit there. Sometimes, when Remus would be too tired, Sirius would put him back to bed and insists that he should get rest. And then Sirius would go down to the common room.

But tonight was different. And for some unexplained reason Remus had felt a little happy that Sirius had calmed down in his touch. He made sure that Sirius was comfortable and the tiptoed back to his bed. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.   
The next day passed normally. Sirius did not seem to remember the previous night and Remus mentioned nothing about it either. But he felt a little dejected. He couldn't explain why that was so. But the following two night saw the repetition of the same incident and Remus couldn't bear to Sirius suffer so much. The nightmares had only gotten worse. 

So Friday evening, when James and Peter were busy playing muggle card games, Remus asked Sirius if they could talk alone somewhere.

" Sure. Let's go up to the dorm" replied Sirius.   
Once they were in the dorm, Sirius sat on his bed and Remus followed. He crossed his legs and sat down and turned towards Sirius.  
" Er...do you plan on teaching me something Remus?? Because that is your teaching posture." asked Sirius grinning at his friend. Whenever Remus taught someone, he would sit crossed legged and fold his hands in front of him.

"what? ....no..Sirius. Please be.... Never mind". Remus dismissed the idea of using the word ' Serious 'knowing fully well that his friend would make the silly joke that was know too well by all.

"Ok..ok" Sirius said seriously. " what do you want to talk about?"

" umm..i don't know how to start this" began Remus uncertainly, " your nightmares...what are they about. Recently, I mean."  
The moment he said this he wish he hadn't. All the colour and laughter drained away from Sirius's face. 

"..you know...you know I don't talk about it.." Sirius was loosing his voice. He throat got constricted. 

The next moment Remus was trying to console Sirius and apologizing.   
" no..no..Sirius that's not what i meant. I do not wish to invade your privacy. You just...for the last few days your dreams have been getting worse..and I..."

" yes they have. And that's why I don't want to talk about it" said Sirius somewhat sternly.

" Okay. Sorry." Was all Remus said.

Sirius's features relaxed slowly and then he slumped down. He look dejected and a little helpless. The 'tough 'Sirius was no more.  
In a small voice he said," I am sorry Remus. Every night you wake up for me and then you take care of me. Its a lot that you do for me..but I can't talk about it. I have tried believe me. I have. I just find myself unable to do it. I am sorry. You don't deserve this. You deserve so much better."

Remus's heart clenched at the honest confession he reached out to Sirius and unconsciously began stroking his hair.

"Its okay. Don't worry. Its..." Remus stopped short when he felt Sirius's muscles growing tense.  
He hastily pulled his hand away from Sirius's hair. And was going to say sorry when Sirius Said ," it was you?"  
Remus looked at him confused," what was me?" He asked.  
" that touch. I felt that in my sleep. It was ...you. Will you please do it again?". The words tumbled out of Sirius's mouth before he could stop it.   
Remus was now truly confused. He just stood there dumbstruck. Was Sirius Black asking him to stroke his hair?  
"..er right" Sirius flushed with embarrassment. " it was stupid of me...you don't have to..."  
Now both of them stood speechless in their dorm room, looking at each other. They didn't even realize that they had left the bed during their conversation.   
Finally Remus moved to sit on Sirius's bed and said, " come here."  
Sirius sat down on the bed at quite some distance from Remus. Remus smiled and rolled his eyes before closing the gap between them.  
He pulled Sirius closer to himself and stroked Sirius's hair. They sat like that for a long time. Sirius's head rested on Remus chest and Remus caressing Sirius's hair. Then Remus felt a wetness on his shirt and pulled away to see Sirius better. And there was Sirius black with all his facades dropped, all emotions revealed. His eyes were closed but silent tears rolled down his cheeks. His cheeks were flushed and he was biting down on his lips too hard. 

" Oh Sirius." Remus couldn't take it anymore. He hugged Sirius with all his might. He didn't care if his ribs would crack with the sheer pressure of the hug. He would not let Sirius hurt like this. He would at least try to fill the void that he was sure Sirius was feeling.   
Sirius clung onto Remus as if his life dependent on it. Great sobs racked his body. He shivered and trembled. With every convulsions Remus only wrapped Sirius tighter in his arms but the next sob made Sirius convulse even more. 

Finally, after what felt like hours, Sirius stopped trembling. Remus caressed Sirius's hair through out the ordeal. 

Finally he pleaded," Sirius, please. Please tell me what is wrong. You are hurting too much. Don't try to fight a lone battle. We are here to hep you. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. You can tell James or someone else. Anyone else."

Sirius sniffed and finally said," its my parents. And Regulus. He..Regulus... told me a few days ago that he is chosen to become a death eater.... Father and mother spoke to... Malfoy's father to make that happen.Regulus accepted it of course. So.... he is going to graduate from Hogwarts and become a death eater..... He is only 13. And my younger brother .And I should have protected him. And I failed. And he also told me that his path is layed out in front of him .... since mine will be definitely different from his, that we should not really see each other anymore , that often.  
" And the dreams...all I see is him killing people or people killing him. I just don't know what to do.."

Remus didn't know what to say. What can a man say to someone who loses their brother to darkness at the age of thirteen? Nothing can be said. Nothing can be done. Not during these times of war. Cherishing the better times seems to be the only option. And so Remus hugged Sirius again. 

" I can't say that its going to okay, Sirius. But I can say that one day you will be able to live with the pain." Whispered Remus in Sirius's years.   
" And..." Began Sirius .   
"Yes?"  
" no one has ever caressed my hair like that before. Hell. No one has ever touched me so...i mean with so much of love ..so when I felt your hand in my hair...i just ......it felt...Good. That's the best compliment a black Is capable of." Sirius smiled weakly.   
"You don't need to compliment me Sirius. "  
" no. that's not what I meant. Not a compliment...i mean my feelings.." Sirius was at a loss of words.  
" I know what you mean, Sirius. Its okay."  
They sat in comfortable silence for a while and then Sirius said, "wanna go down to dinner?"  
" yes. Sure. Lets go."   
"Mrs. Potter hugs me lovingly", Sirius said with a shy smile.  
"I know that too. And you deserve nothing less, Sirius." Smiled Remus.

 

And both of them went down to join the rest of the world with slightly lighter hearts.

**Author's Note:**

> Please review. Please. :)


End file.
